Stripped Awake

When I entered the adult entertainment industry, I was blind to the horrors of it, ignorant to pimps, abusers, and those that employ potent ability to manipulate. It takes skill to convince someone to do something that is harmful to them, and a special evil to get them thinking it was their idea.

I was already at a breaking point when I decided it was my last year working.  It was this final year that I became awake to the power dynamics within the industry, and how they were constantly working against me, and at play to keep me there.

The money was good, but the price was high. I had been fantasizing about my last day for years, and I knew it was approaching quickly. My work persona was getting too hard to keep up with. One person can only compartmentalize so much before they break.

I wish I could say that I had a well-thought-out exit plan that helped me successfully leave the business. I didn’t. I want to tell you that I settled down with a good man, but I still had no interest in doing that either. I didn’t tell anyone inside the industry that I was thinking of leaving. I couldn’t. Doing so would have made me a target for further exploitation, managers wanting to squeeze all they can from me, or getting fired before I was financially in a spot that I could step away. They don’t like when girls have one foot in and one foot out. It makes you harder to control, and the adult entertainment industry thrives on desperation and need.

I somehow knew it was going to be my last night when I walked in that evening. It was my third shift at the swanky new club which was only a couple blocks from my apartment. The dancers in Los Angeles had been waiting almost a year for the renovation and grand reopening. It was a big deal because it was set up to be a stage-heavy club meaning you could make a lot of money performing on the stages without having to sell VIP rooms. There’s not many clubs in LA like this. But by the time the reopening finally rolled around, I just couldn’t take it anymore, I had nothing left to give. I didn’t pay the house fee that night, I quietly got dressed, and I left early out the back door without saying goodbye to anyone.

I walked back to my condo in Hollywood, light as a feather.